


Gasoline

by naturesloopholed



Category: Legacies (TV 2018), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturesloopholed/pseuds/naturesloopholed
Summary: Everyone thinks Lizzie is selfish (and she can be) and that she is a horrible twin but I decided to write a drabble on her illness. Has mentions of sex (nothing graphic or ANYTHING), mania, depression, self-harm (mentions), the bullying
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Gasoline

**Author's Note:**

> I used my experience plus creative freedoms, headcanons I had for Lizzie for a long time to make this.

I feel like I’m a snow globe and someone shook me up and now every little piece of me is falling back randomly and nothing is ending up where it used to be ― Amy Reed, Crazy

𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞? 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞?

Funny how things work from daddy working just a little too much and mommy busy searching for answers away from home, keeping it a secret that it is almost like an affair. A bunch of lies that the twins are forced to swallow down with cheap alcohol that they shouldn’t be drinking. How she should be asleep but instead she is here in this moment dancing around the room, music soft but it sounds loud in her ears. The number of times she falls to the gym floor can be counted on how many bruises she will be covering up with makeup in the coming hours. A bloody lip and she is still going, only stopping to get some vampire blood to heal herself up (So no one will ever notice that Lizzie Saltzman isn’t perfect).

Her twin is the one that comes through the door at close to five pm and is shutting off the music. “Time to go hide in our room if you don’t want dad to worry.” It sounds like an I LOVE YOU from a siphon that barely says the worlds to the blonde. Sometimes, Lizzie wonders if maybe she could get that I love you if she just tries harder to be better. Lip curls into a smile, sweat making her clothes cling to the skin and she feels a sense of pride swell up inside of her.

In the shower, she has to stop and can only smile at her razor blade, not today. not ever again.

Breakfast with her twin is with drumming fingers against her plastic cup filled with a strawberry smoothie and a pancake that she eats half of before feeding the rest to a wolf that she is interested in, he is cute and has that damaged look in his eyes that Lizzie craves. Just like Josie, she wants to save a lost cause but the way she goes about it is different. Josie mother hens, Lizzie is the bad influence that will show you a good time right down to the letter

Snickers and snorts in her direction by the end of the day by Alyssa fucking Chang has her breathing fast, that witch has never been a friend of hers. When she was younger, she had been sent to the ER because of burns thanks to that witch. she doesn’t know all the damage her daddy did to that girl deep down in her subconscious NOR does she care. The fifteen-year-old doesn’t give a fuck about the other’s wedgie trauma or lack therefore of. In the bathroom, splashing water on her face and Josie holding her hair back as she vomits. It hurts when she is finished, her throat and stomach both ache from overuse and yet she still wishes there was more to throw up. Josie getting a paper towel for her twin.

“Thanks,” Lizzie whispers, shaking fingers grip an edge and wipe at her mouth, breathing in air that is hardly calming but she forces herself to fake it. “Go be with Satan.” Two more months and the Satan/God’s angel will be broken up and Lizzie will have her twin back. She is a black hole of love and energy and it is pushing her twin away for the moment so she can handle shit herself even if that makes it a bigger deal.

𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞?

No one warns you about the lack of sleep, about how sleeping three hours can feel like you slept all night long. How you can still go running around the school in the crisp fall air and be just fine.

Everyone is complaining about not sleeping and Lizzie just sits there, foot shaking feeling ALIVE and more important then anyone else, so much that she shot her mouth off and said maybe if you weren’t busy fucking David or whatever the night before you wouldn’t be so tired. Her best friend, beside Josie, ends their friendship right then and there and Lizzie doesn’t give a damn because she is BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER.

No one tells you that you feel on top of the world but end up alone because being alone on top is nothing. Kings and Queens never knew who to trust either and they ended up being badasses, marked down in history and that is what Lizzie wants, to be in the history books that kids read about seventy years from now when she is dead.

Life is fine even if it means skipping lunch to go walk around the halls for the thirty-minute break listening to music in her head, the tune all jumbled and doesn’t make sense but whatever.

𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞?

Just sex? How does one feel being in a state and having their first time in the fall air and when the boy leaves all she feels is cold and alone. Tears fall as she lets herself up and gets dressed. It didn’t help with her head, didn’t slow anything down as she had hoped, and instead, it added some new thoughts in her head. How someone could call you crazy and then get their fix, it ruins and destroys. Getting back to the dorm by the time Josie is out of the shower sucked

Lizzie cleaned herself up in a bathroom stall the best she could, trying to get the taste of his kiss out of her mouth and off her lips. She wishes she could be held by her mother and told everything would be okay but Lizzie doesn’t want to be a black hole, something that Penelope will later shoot out of her mouth during a manic episode by the time her birthday comes around. How Hope Mikaelson came in and even fucking helped her get the grass out of her hair without saying a word, because girls don’t knock each other down too far, at least not on this (Or maybe the Mikaelson has some tact on the subject). Lizzie changes her clothes and curls up into bed with Josie and sleeps for the four hours that she can sleep and is up praying that no one knows about what she had done.

No one seems to know the next day at breakfast and instead of sitting down? Lizzie is up walking around the building, helping teachers with getting things down and ready for the younger classmen.

𝐃𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫 ‘𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞? 𝐒𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞?

Of course, someone has to point it out to her father that Lizzie had been off her pills because he didn’t seem to notice. So busy with his private training sessions and whatever else that he assumed Lizzie’s anger outbursts were just teen angst but here it was a cry for help. It is with the help of MAGIC that they break the manic episode and she sleeps for four days off and on and her mommy comes down to hold her. For a split second, she feels like she is whole again but that is an illusion.

It’s telling Josie between sobs about her first time without naming names only to find out that everyone knows because people brag about that sort of thing. How walking the walls forever would feel like someone placed a bag over her head and was just waiting for the air to waste away, for her to die. It’s then that her sister breaks up with Penelope Parks, attempts to fix the broken and shattered pieces and Lizzie lets her because she needs someone to care for her.

Dad leaves and so does mom, leaving the girls to pick up broken pieces all over again.

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐰 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐝𝐞

The depressive episode comes and Josie is the one holding a blonde as she cries, blood coming from cuts that she made to try and feel better but it never works. It is praying that a manic episode would hurry up so she can have some relief. Queen of self-harm, Josie would tell a boy from the grill that ends up at the school. If Lizzie would know her twin would out her secret to someone else, she would have never let Josie through the door.

No one tells them that having your twin giving you pills twice a day would be normal to both of you after that. Josie tossing them across the room and watching because clearly, no one else is going to do it. Lizzie can’t do it, her head tells her not to do it and right now she was too weak to do it herself. The agreement was just until they turned sixteen but that would be cut short when Monsters start coming and this mop-headed boy that Lizzie swears she doesn’t like comes to town.

Josie is everything that grounds her and Lizzie is everything that makes Josie fly around like she has no wings. One half of a whole is hardly good math.

The twins sit in the bathroom with scissors cutting Lizzie’s once LONG hair to her shoulders. The once down to the middle of Lizzie’s back gets cut and even as she cries, Josie keeps going because there is no other way around it. No one talks about how depression can ruin your good looks because running a brush through it never comes to mind or it does and you are so tired that you can’t be bothered.

𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞?

All of her issues turned her mean but no one ever stopped to ask her if she was alright, no one ever cared to see behind the mask when she was still kind-hearted and not putting up a front. No one gave a damn, just like her parents and sometimes just like Josie.

Penelope Park gets her pen at Christmas time and it breaks into millions of pieces, only after she made Josie cry. It becomes the two of them (Penelope and Lizzie) going at one another. No one hurts Josie and gets away with it, if Penelope wasn’t someone Josie cared about, Lizzie would throw down and give that witch a wild bruising without care but Josie begs for the other not to do it.

Diana calls Josie a loser and what does Lizzie do? Punches her in the face. No one notices it is to honor her twin, to defend her really because no one ever thinks that Lizzie can be nice. No one thinks Lizzie cares about anyone BUT herself. Her mask is working only it works so well that Josie starts to believe it too.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦.

No one talks about the illness taking who you are and crushing it. No one talks about losing things like your hair or how you have impulses to have sex with someone you don’t know. This isn’t a dream, no one can go back and change how their brain works even if they would LOVE to do just that.

Lizzie Saltzman was a fighter and yet no one ever noticed. It was always selfish Lizzie with the blackhole heart.

_  
_

> **Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcomed! I would love to know if anyone can relate to this or if this has given anyone a deeper idea of Lizzie Saltzman. Requests for one shots, gif sets, etc can all be sent over to ofcamerasflashing


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